Not a girl, not yet a woman.

   
          If you are following me at Twitter, then probably you are familiar with what the photo shows above. Yes, those are my tweets earlier. Almost an hour ago. I won't go into details anymore about what happened. But one thing's for sure... My parents treat me as if I am just a 13 year old child.

          I was born on the 30th of May, 1992. Which makes me 19 now, and turning 20th on May. 5 months to go and I'll be saying goodbye to teenage years, right. But still, my parents don't think of me that way. It's like, the more I get older, the more they are protective of me. What, am I not allowed to grow up nor do things on my own? My parents has a lot of limitations for me... For my sister. But most especially for me, I think. I hate it. I know, they are parents, that's why they only want the best for me because they love me, they care for me, blah blah blah... But I think it's too much already. Sometimes I think I even have to remind them of MY AGE. Ugh.

          You know what, sometimes, I feel envious of other people of my age who has "cooler" moms. Moms who doesn't nag about their children with what to wear, what to look like, what to do, what nots, and all that. Moms who are understanding and very much supportive of their children. I am not saying that my parents aren't supportive. They're just not understanding. Inconsiderate. They say they know us very well (especially my Mom), since we came from her, but no. For me, I think she just knows half of me. Because she doesn't try her best to reach out to us... to me. She tried once, I think. But nothing happened. Nothing's changed. The situation gets only worst whenever I get older....

          I am on my fourth year now, and almost 3 months from now, I'll be saying goodbye to college. Sometimes I worry. Not of what I will be after graduation. But what it'll be like, dealing with my parents now that I will be "someone" now. What would it be like? Would it be better? Or, would it be worse....

          Ever since I cannot remember, my parents kept on guaranteeing me that as soon as I finish college and I am working, they will give me the "freedom" that I have been always wanting for. Now that I am close to it... To be honest, I am scared. I am scared that when that moment comes, and I have to make a decision, my parents will interfere. Of course, I love them. I'm afraid that because I love them, their decisions for me will be the only thing that matters... not mine. What about me? What about what I want? What I love?

          I don't want to be a bad daughter to their eyes. That's why I am always afraid of disobeying them. Of course, I am not a perfect daughter. I have disobeyed them maybe a lot of times already. But whenever I disobey them, I always have these regrets... These thoughts... I love my parents so much. So much that I don't ever want to see them be disappointed by me. Lalo pa't ako ang panganay... But hey. May pag-iisip din naman ako di ba. May mga gustong gawin sa buhay KO. Pero pano ko magagawa yung mga yun kung lagi silang nakakontra, di ba? Arggggghhhh... Stuck in between what my parents want for me and what I want for myself.


          While I was thinking things over, and relaxing, preparing myself to sleep, I remembered Britney Spears' song--"I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman", especially the lyrics which goes like this...

"I'm not a girl, There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,
So don't tell me to shut my eyes."

          I know, God has plans for me... I just... I just hope that things were a lot better than this, you know. Napupuno din naman ako. Siguro naman, may karapatan din naman akong mainis. Besides, just because they are the parents, they are always right. WRONG. And just because they are parents, they can never be wrong. WRONG AGAIN. Yes, they are the parents, but that doesn't mean that they are perfect. They too, make mistakes. Which means that they aren't always right about things when it comes to their children. The problem is, there are parents who doesn't know how to accept the fact that they are wrong sometimes. Unfortunately, I got one. That's my main problem here. Parent/s who doesn't want to accept that they are wrong at times; Parent/s who doesn't want to listen to their children; Parent/s who doesn't reach out to their children.

          If only.... If only all parents would listen, reach out to their children, and learn how to admit that they are wrong and promise to make it up to their children, then there wouldn't be a single son/daughter ranting about it online... Just like me. I guess, life really isn't perfect. Even parents. Of course, even I, myself isn't perfect. But maybe, just maybe, if parents and their children could meet halfway.... Life would be better, right?

          Gotta get going now. Goodnight.... I hope this will be the last time I'll be blogging or ranting about the same issue.

2 comments :

  1. I'm pretty sure they're just scared. You're growing up, you'll become independent, you'll get married, move out and they'll be left alone. Try not to be too harsh on them. Most parents don't know how to express their insecurities while still portraying themselves as strong, authoritative adults.

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  2. Well... I guess you're right. But they should try on being not too harsh on me also.. Well anyway, thanks for your response. It helped... :)

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